Show
Today Explore When autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures. Explore Quotes  Save Saved by Uploaded by user Poem QuotesKris Nelson 3k followers More information I can not remember the last time I was this happy. everything if finally falling in place and I am so freaking grateful :)Find this Pin and more on Quotes by Bethany Rodocker. Poem Quotes Great Quotes True Quotes Words Quotes Wise Words Words Of Wisdom Inspirational Quotes Sayings Motivational More information I can not remember the last time I was this happy. everything if finally falling in place and I am so freaking grateful :)Find this Pin and more on Quotes by Bethany Rodocker. More like thisToday Explore When autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures. Explore Quotes Save Saved by Uploaded by user I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely happyGizelle Angelina 133 followers More information I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely happyFind this Pin and more on best quotes by herondale. The Last Time Has Gone I Cant Even Best Quotes Cards Against Humanity Remember Thoughts Happy Best Quotes Ever More information I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely happyFind this Pin and more on best quotes by herondale. More like this
And now I’m figuring out what to do about it.“Are you happy?” On the surface, a simple question. Yes or no. The default answer is to say yes and move the conversation along. Not because it’s always yes, but because it’s easier to not think about it. To walk past the dark chasm. It’s impossible to see a problem when avoiding it altogether. When looking the other way. And should you stop, to see what can be seen, the longer you look the easier it is to fall in. So most of the time, when asked, I shrug, tell them sure, deflect. I know the hole’s there. I just didn’t want to look. But there’s only so many times you can walk past the same sign, the same blemish, the same chasm in your heart, without stopping and taking a look. With every pass the intrigue grows. The chasm widens. The darkness deepens. The last time someone asked me if I was happy I opened my mouth, considered, then chewed at my lip. I looked into the hole, searched for something to hold onto. Something that would address the question, that would give the person asking me a glimmer of hope. But as I couldn’t find what I wanted to find. So I offered them the only answer I could: the truth. “I don’t remember what it feels like to be happy.” When Did It All Change?Once upon a time, I was happy. I can flip back through the pages of my life and find it. Written in the same ink used to write the more recent chapters. Chapters now void of authentic happiness. The same ink. The same pen. So I could, theoretically, write about it once again. I just can’t remember how. Licking my finger as I turn back the pages I know what parts of my life are filled with joy. With authentic smiles and accurate laughter. With warmth in my heart and an overflowing soul. When everything in life felt perfect. Yet perfect often is its own mask, much like the one I wore as happiness began to fade. Hiding the truth behind a smile and uplifting vocals. But by the time I finally removed the mask, whatever happiness I once had no longer remained. An expired hourglass with nobody around to see the final grain of sand drop. I don’t know when my happiness fully disappeared. Would I have watched what remained fade away, its light growing dimmer along the horizon until nothing else remained? Or did it escape during the night, leaving me with nothing more than a bad dream and the weight of emotional self-abandonment? Beyond it all, should it ever come back, will I even know it’s there if it does? And Then It Was GoneIt wasn’t always like this. I know it wasn’t. There’s proof. Proof in that I remember being happy. I remember laughing without the depressed pull at the back of my skull. I just had been so long I couldn’t remember what it meant to be happy. What it took. Or what made me happy. It’s a startling realization when you look inward and discover not only that you’re not happy, but that you don’t remember the last time you were. I grew up playing the violin. Started at the age of four. Played every day through high school. Then I didn’t play for well over a decade. Recently I purchased an electric violin. Something I’d always wanted. But when I opened the sheets of music, I couldn’t connect it to my fingers. My brain was lost in musical translation. I knew I’d done it before. I’d just forgotten. The same was true with happiness. What brings about happiness? What takes it away? Two specific questions with a billion unique answers. Your answers, if you have any, may differ from mine. The loss of a parent. The divorce of a spouse. A holiday season alone. A disappearing favorite job. Another holiday season alone. It’s impossible to know which snowflake started the avalanche. But then it doesn’t matter. Every single one attributed to the downfall. When reading those old pages, the crinkled, torn pages of my life, stained with as much blood as writing ink, I last felt happy when my dad was alive and the engagement ring for my significant other was hidden away in a place I hoped she wouldn’t discover. I assumed the fabric of my life couldn’t be tainted. It couldn’t be stained. I didn’t realize how it would unravel with one pull of a loose thread. And now, twelve years and counting, I’m not even sure where the thread is. There Are MomentsThere are moments I feel more than the pain I write about. The pain I keep in. Small glimmers of something. Maybe the moments are nothing. Maybe the moments are everything. The look my three-legged dog gives me when she needs help climbing a tall step. After she’s tried and failed to make it. The feeling of her as she crawls next to me on a cold night. I adopted her the day after her leg was removed. The pound didn’t know what happened to her. Bad owners? A car? They didn’t know. I helped her learn how to walk again, and we had a special bond because of it, but it took years for her to crawl up and curl herself up into the small spoon. I smile when she does it. I’m sure I lost a few tears the first time she did it as well. There’s the feeling of sitting behind the wheel of my truck, early in the morning, sunlight not yet bleaching over the landscape, but instead a pale lavender inks over the sky like spilled watercolor. The open road ahead of me and a coffee in hand. It can be the worst tasting gas station coffee, burnt remnants of whatever beans were left from the day before, and yet the coffee, the sky, the road, it all comes together. It remains until my other dog slides her nose into my ear from the back seat and begins to hyperventilate. Her own happiness. We all have our own happiness. Maybe mine is seeing the face of a friend I haven’t seen in a long time. Perhaps it’s hearing Arabesque by Debussy as it transports me to anywhere and everywhere. I don’t know if these are mine. I can’t remember. When It ReturnsShould happiness return, I wonder if I’ll see it coming. If I’ll see the first streaks of light as it lifts over the horizon, or if, one day, I’ll simply wake up and it will be a cloudless sky, the world around me fully illuminated. It’s impossible to say. Perhaps you’ve been through something similar. Maybe, at one point in your life, you forgot the feeling of happiness. It left like a passing wind, and by the time you realized what you had lost, you didn’t know where to begin looking for it. Hopefully, it eventually came back to you. I can’t tell you where to look, or what to do to retrieve it. Because your happiness is different from mine, as is its path back to you. Perhaps, just as it slowly left it will return in kind. It’s possible it’s currently doing that right now, filling you up, filling me up, bit by bit. Strand by strand. Happy moment by happy moment. If it ever returns, I’ll do whatever I can to cherish it. To breathe it in and let it fill me. Because I know what it’s like to lose the feeling. I’ve forgotten happiness. Hopefully, happiness hasn’t forgotten me. Looking at it, I don’t know when it all faded away. Honestly, at this point it doesn’t matter. It’s pointless to pinpoint it because it won’t change where I’m at right now. Besides, what’s the point of trying to figure out what made me so unhappy. I’d rather try to focus on discovering what can teach me how to be happy again. How to be happy again. My brain was eventually able to reconnect reading music and playing. There’s no reason why I can’t do that with happiness. And, if you’re struggling as well, there’s no reason why you can’t either. Because upon a time I was happy. I just need to remember what made it possible. What to do when all your happiness is gone?Stop thinking about what's wrong.. Know that feeling means you're dealing means you're healing. Confront, tolerate and feel your pain. ... . Step outside yourself. Volunteering is a great way to look outside your own problems. ... . Keep perspective. ... . Let go.. Is it normal to not feel happy?Anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure. It's a common symptom of depression as well as other mental health disorders. Most people understand what pleasure feels like. They expect certain things in life to make them happy.
Can I ever be happy again?Happiness Is Possible, Again
Of course, life is unpredictable, and we aren't promised 365 days of joy, but we can strive to have more good days than bad. But even in those bad days, we can appreciate the good that we've experienced.
|
I cant remember the last time i was happy
Copyright © 2024 en.apacode Inc.
