A relationship with a narcissist is a toxic relationship characterized by insecurity, manipulation, and abuse.
One of the distinctive features of toxic relationships is the idealize-devalue-discard cycle of abuse, which causes a victim to doubt themselves, always feel guilty, and desperately seek reconciliation.
A toxic relationship with a narcissist can damage your self-esteem, affect other relationships, and harm your mental and physical health.
One of the patterns in a relationship with a narcissist involves frequent breakups, after which a narcissist comes back and starts the whole cycle of abuse again.
Narcissists don’t look for an equal partner but for someone they can manipulate and control, making a victim dependent on them for own identity and security.
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But how to know if a narcissist is finished with you? And can a relationship with them ever be really finished?
Understanding the Narcissistic Cycle
The catch with narcissists is that they don’t offer closure. The narcissistic abuse cycle can repeat over and over again, draining you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Narcissists cannot connect meaningfully with other people. They use their partners as a narcissist supply, engaging them in the form of emotional dependency. In this relationship pattern, a narcissist requires to feed their ego constantly.
Narcissists need constant validation and admiration to feel good. Therefore, they will deliberately target empathic people susceptible to the façade of their charm and charisma, whom they can easily manipulate and abuse.
1) Idealization
At the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, they may appear charismatic, charming, and madly in love with you. They will put you on a pedestal, and you will bathe in their attention, praise, passion, love, and excitement. This stage of “love bombing” can last for days, weeks, or even months.
2) Devaluing
However, as the relationship unfolds, a narcissist’s behavior will begin to change. They will start devaluing you subtly in the beginning. Soon, you will notice tiny red flags: the intimacy may somewhat start to fade, your partner may begin frequently demeaning you or making fun of you.
Left with no other choice, you finally decide to defend yourself and fight back. The narcissist then twists reality, using your defensive behavior to prove that they are the ones being abused, causing you to feel guilty, accept the blame, and reconcile under their rules.
Some other devaluing signs may include:
- Gaslighting
- A narcissist withdrawing affection
- Lack of emotional and physical intimacy
- Blaming you for their issues
Such behavior may leave you confused, ashamed, lonely, and depressed. You may also start questioning your reality, sanity, integrity, and identity.
3) Discarding
Once they don’t need you to fuel their ego anymore, a narcissist will discard and abandon you. Also, if you decide to stand for yourself, set boundaries, and ask for reciprocity, a narcissist will discard you with no apology, empathy, or remorse.
However, the discarding stage usually doesn’t mean they are done with you, as narcissists tend to repeat this cycle of manipulation and abuse.
Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships?
Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they’re done with you; a narcissist will come back.
They will promise to change or gaslight you into believing that you are taking it too seriously or that you are too dramatic until you start feeling confused and guilty.
How Long Do Narcissist Relationships Last?
How long a relationship with a narcissist will last usually depends on how successfully they wear down your self-esteem and sense of self. It also depends on their gain from keeping you around. However, most likely, a narcissist will start a cycle of abuse again.
So, a narcissistic relationship will last for as long as they can get something out of it. If you keep giving them attention, a narcissist will keep coming back. They will return as many times as they want, but only if you allow them to.
Toxic relationships can happen to anyone. Read on to discover what a self-love coach can do to help you through this healing journey.
When is a Narcissist Finished with Someone: Signs and Behaviors They Are Done With You
The sooner you recognize narcissist discard signs, the sooner you’ll be able to break the trauma bond and end the narcissistic abuse cycle.
Here are some signs and behaviors a narcissist is done with you:
- They devalue/criticize you.
- They are distant.
- The narcissist ignores everything you say.
- They are always irritated with you.
- They gaslight you.
- The narcissist continuously takes advantage of you.
- They start accusing you of being disloyal/lying/cheating/being envious.
- They are unfaithful, denying their infidelity once you find out about it.
- A narcissist makes themselves inaccessible to you, never answering your calls, texts, emails, etc.
- They are always angry with you.
Should I be Worried if a Narcissist is Done with Me?
It can be a relief when a narcissist is done with you. When you end a toxic relationship with a narcissist, you can finally move on and heal. It is essential that you take control you’re your life and don’t allow them to pull you back into their cycle of abuse.
- RELATED: Can a Narcissist Be Faithful in a Relationship?
How to Break Free from a Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
Breaking free from a narcissistic abuse cycle will make it possible to break the trauma bond and heal. Here are some strategies to help you recover from a toxic relationship.
- Cut contact and avoid every type of communication with your narcissistic ex
- Practice Self-Compassion to regain self-confidence and forgive yourself for engaging in narcissistic abuse
- Take care of your needs and make self-care your priority
- Practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques to focus on the present
- Spend time with family, friends, and other positive people to enhance your confidence and improve your well-being
- Write about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings to gain better control of your negative thoughts and emotions
- Meet new people and start making new memories
- Seek psychotherapy to work through your emotions after ending a toxic relationship and develop strategies to move on after a negative experience.
Breaking off the relationship with a narcissist can be the best way to take care of yourself, heal, and move on.